Archive for the ‘Net: Fun’ category
Román Cortés has produced two CSS ASCII images of Homer Simpson and a certain George W. Bush Jr. The snag, well for the George Bush image there’s 31.82kB of source code, but the Homer one is a bit more compact at 16kB.
Roman first created these images by hand, but he’s now written a Windows program which converts JPEG images to CSS “images”.
Whilst searching for something slightly related, I found (via the almighty power of Google – bow down in its presence!), I found I_Am_Xenon’s 60 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Work including such gems as:
6. ‘That’s what you think,’ is not a suitable tactic when attempting to de-escalate an angry customer.
7. I am not permitted to answer calls in any language except English.
8. Especially not one that I just made up.
9. No one wants to know why I brought duct tape to work.
15. When the managers foul up, they are not honor-bound to commit seppuku (Japanese ritual suicide, a la ‘The Last Samurai’), and I should not insist that they do so.
16. The security checkpoint is not a storm trooper roadblock, therefore it is inappropriate to perform ‘Jedi mind tricks’ on them.
18. It is not right to play into the paranoid fantasies of customers that their wireless phone is being ‘tapped’.
21. Customers are not required to answer a ‘skill testing question’ before I assist them.
24. Quoting Dr Seuss should be kept to a bare minimum when assisting customers.
25. Same with ‘Full Metal Jacket’.
26. Combinations of 24 and 25 are just way out.
27. There are no rewards points awarded for bargaining customers into signing away their immortal souls, and I should not negotiate towards this goal.
31. When a customer is so impressed with my knowledge and abilities that they offer to hire me away from my current job, the correct answer is not, “Can you get me a work visa?”
43. “International Talk Like a Pirate Day” is not to be celebrated on the production floor.
44. Even if it only LOOKS like a live grenade, I can’t use it as a paperweight.
49. Not allowed to invent my own sarcastically upbeat or off-the-wall theme days. (Especially not a “Clothing-Optional Day”.)
50. Our call center does not have a mascot. If it did, it would not be a weasel, tapeworm, malarial parasite, Portuguese man-of-war, slime mold, or dung beetle.
52. When they insist that I ‘express empathy’ towards the customer in circumstances of misfortune, they don’t mean while processing payments. (ie “I would like to pay my bill.” “I’m so sorry to hear that.”)
Those are the ones that got the largest laughs from me!
Via Softlayer’s private forums from Tris at Seeksadmin.com:
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
At a Proctologist’s door:
“To expedite your visit, please back in.”
On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”
On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
On a Church’s Bill board:
“7 days without God makes one weak.”
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
“Invite us to your next blowout.”
At a Towing company:
“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”
In a Nonsmoking Area:
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”
At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
On a Taxidermist’s window:
“We really know our stuff.”
On a Fence:
“Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!”
At a Car Dealership:
“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”
Outside a Muffler Shop:
“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
At the Electric Company
“We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don’t, you will be.”
In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
At a Propane Filling Station:
“Thank heaven for little grills.”
And don’t forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
“Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”
How close do you have to zoom on http://maps.google.com/maps?z=1&t=h&ll=10.903707,19.933068 until you recognise what you see? I was about 3 zoom levels from the end before I recognised them…
Found via PlanetPostgresql of all places! 😀