• Funny things to do in a lift: CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask “Got enough air in there?” #
• Funny things to do in a lift: MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button. #
• Funny things to do in a lift: WHEN there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn’t you #
• Funny things to do in a lift: Drop a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: “That’s mine!” #

*sigh*

1. Describe your problem:

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:

4. Problem Severity:

A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:

A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Strange Smell__

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__

9. Have you made it worse? Yes__

10. Have you had “a friend” who “Knows all about computers” try to fix
it for you? Yes__ No__

11. Did they make it even worse? Yes__

12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

13. Are you sure you’ve read the manual? Maybe__ No__

14. Are you absolutely certain you’ve read the manual? No__

15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

16. If ‘Yes’ then explain why you can’t fix the problem yourself.

17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?

l8. If you answered ‘nothing’ then explain why you were logged in?

l9. Are you sure you aren’t imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What’s a VCR?__

21. Do you have a copy of ‘PCs for Dummies’? Yes__ No__

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__

23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work? Yes__ No__

24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__

25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__

26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet__

27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes__

21 Signs a geek girl likes you

1. She tells you your hard drive is much bigger than her ex-boyfriend’s.
2. She makes a point of telling you how the system upgrade you did for her totally revolutionized her life.
3. She stops blogging in front of the TV and talks to you.
4. She gets shivers up her spine when you raw-code her HTML.
5. The first time you used the Command Prompt in front of her, she screamed in excitement.
6. She invites you to “302 back to my place” after a night out.
7. She doesn’t cook you dinner — she defrags your hard drive.
8. She thinks you’re much cuter in person than in World of Warcraft.
9. She devotes an entire blog entry to you.
10. She invites you to a romantic night at her place that involves popcorn and Tron.
11. She leaves you a love post – its written entirely in Visual Basic.
12. She “casually” invites you to come with her to the next Linux Expo.
13. She gives you her telephone number in binary.
14. She gives you lots of link love.
15. She regularly Diggs articles she thinks you’ll like.
16. You’ve overheard her telling her friends you are “so 2.0.”
17. She always tags you for memes.
18. She puts memory cards in your stocking for Christmas.
19. She always sides with you when someone brings up the “Mac vs. PC” debate.
20. She likes your black jeans.
21. She reminisces with you about those old-school Commodores you both had as kids.

(Both links from Jake Ortman)

Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don’t need to know, don’t want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Vista Airlines:

You enter a good looking terminal with the largest planes you have ever seen. Every 10 feet a security officer appears and asks you if you are “sure” you want to continue walking to your plane and if you would like to cancel. Not sure what cancel would do, you continue walking and ask the agent at the desk why the planes are so big. After the security officer making sure you want to ask the question and you want to hear the answer, the agent replies that they are bigger because it makes customers feel better, but the planes are designed to fly twice as slow. Adding the size helped achieve the slow fly goal.

Once on the plane, every passenger has to be asked individually by the flight attendants if they are sure they want to take this flight. Then it is company policy that the captain asks the passengers collectively the same thing. After answering yes to so many questions, you are punched in the face by some stranger who when he asked “Are you sure you want me to punch you in the face? Cancel or Allow?” you instinctively say “Allow”.

After takeoff, the pilots realize that the landing gear driver wasn’t updated to work with the new plane. Therefore it is always stuck in the down position. This forces the plane to fly even slower, but the pilots are used to it and continue to fly the planes, hoping that soon the landing gear manufacturer will give out a landing gear driver update.

You arrive at your destination wishing you had used your reward miles with XP airlines rather than trying out this new carrier. A close friend, after hearing your story, mentions that Linux Air is a much better alternative and helps.

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K is

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% * *

*and *

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E is

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E is

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T is

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G is

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work
and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s
the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope Died

Interesting Year: 2005

1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. Pope Died

Lesson Learned? -

The next time Prince Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope!