Day: 16 January 2003

Here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you

Here’s a list of things that, fortunately, my new boss didn’t say to me on my first day of work:

• “That is the person you’ll be replacing. He doesn’t know that we’re going to fire him yet, so please don’t say anything. We need him to train you.”
• “… And this is the beer fridge.”
• “How quickly can you load a handgun?”
• “Didn’t we hire the hot chick in the skin tight red dress?”
• “We don’t provide web browsers on the PCs in this company because people might use them.” (I’m working in very web-orientated environment)
• “Welcome to Microsoft. You know the company name was inspired by a remark made by Mrs.Melinda Gates on their honeymoon!”
• “Wonder what you would look like in a white sundress?” (I’m male by the way 🙂 )
• (to another employee) “This is the best we could find in 48 hours!”
• “Hey, if you see the new guy, tell him I’m not here. Make up something about a family emergency or some junk. My tee-off time’s in ten minutes…”
• “Did you get those projections done that I asked for on Friday?”
• “Around here, we put the FUN in dysFUNctual”
• “If you bring a weapon to work, keep it hidden.”
• “Since you’re male, I can’t ask you to walk with me to the ladies, so I guess I’ll have to discuss your duties here.”
• “Hello … Had any sex lately?”
• “Despite what others may say, that’s not a blood stain.”
• “Do not leave dead bodies in the tea room – the smell is most off putting.”