Life: Saturday Night Partying

I went out “on the town” again on Saturday night. Unlike Monday, I didn’t get k-lined/drunk but I still had a reasonable night out for not much cash.

As I had an £7.50 drinks voucher for Zanzibar, I decided to go there. I called a local taxi firm (as I knew the chances of me catching a bus into town that late were nil to non-existent) and got into Leicester city around 9.45pm. Paid the taxi driver (£6 – although the fare was only £5), grabbed some cash from the nearest cash point and wandered down Churchgate, up Mansfield Street and down Sandacre Street to Zanzibar (little local historical fact for you, the site on Gravel Street/Sandacre Street where Zanzibar is used to be a bus station – even though St. Margaret’s bus station is just opposite – and then it turned into a rollerdrome during the day and Zanzibar nightclub at night: now it’s just the night club) and I went in.

Since it was before 11pm, it was free admission but when I swapped the drinks voucher for “usable vouchers” it was a bit of a shock. I’m 99.9% sure the voucher said “£7.50 free drinks” – the the “usable vouchers” I got were 8x£1 (i.e. £8 total) off drinks. Therefore, I would still have to actually hand over some money for the drinks. Drat!

I grabbed a Smirnoff Ice for the hefty price of £1.90 (that’s with £1 off!) and wandered over to one of the gamblers/gambling machines. I put £3 in, won £3 and then promptly lost it again. Well, it did keep me amused for a whole five minutes 🙂 (Off topic: cool, while linking to the Smirnoff Ice website, I came across their “Ice Quickness” game and somehow managed to get an “Ice Quickness” rating of “84%: You couldn’t get any cooler. You send a chill down the spine of any red blooded female within a four mile radius”).

The DJ (who I wasn’t that impressed with) then started playing Destiny’s Child‘s Independent Woman. Nothing wrong with that you would think? Well, listen to the Rather Good rendition of the chorus and then try and tell me the chorus doesn’t go:

The shoes on my feet,
Alf Garnett,
The clothes I’m wearing,
Alf Garnett,
The rock I’m rocking,
Alf Garnett,
coz I depend on meat,
If I want it,
The watch I’m wearing,
Alf Garnett,
The House I live in,
Alf Garnett,
The car I’m driving,
Alf Garnett,
I depend on meat,
I depend on meat

Aaargh! It’s quite a strange feeling being in a not-quite-yet-busy nightclub trying not to giggle at recollections like that. I’m so glad that since I was mainly listening to the chorus I didn’t recall Rather Good’s Northern Kitten rendition of Independent Woman…

Closely following that at 10.25pm was Will Young singing Evergreen – and, lo and behold, I had to control myself from laughing yet again! I was instantly reminded of the last series of Baddiel And Skinner – Unplanned. At the end of each show, David Baddiel plays (usually) the piano whilst Frank Skinner sings a song that the studio audience randomly chose out of two music books. His rendition of “Evergreen” came just a few weeks after Will Young had won Pop Idol and Frank decided to take the mikey out of Will Young’s homosexuality – playing on the sort of sort of gay stereotype that is normally associated with John Inman‘s rendition of Mr.”I’m free” Humphries in Are You Being Served? (i.e. lisp, limp wrist, effeminate acting etc). It was funny when Frank did the impersonation and I’ve still got recollections of him going “‘Cause you’re the one good reason, You’re the only “girl that I need…What you’re dreaming, What’s behind, Don’t tell me, but it feels like love“. Ok, perhaps you would have need to at least listened to the show (if not watched it) to “get it”, but oh well. Obligatory standard disclaimer follows: Yeah, I know it was a stereotype (and, some may say, homophobic) joke – but a) it was funny, b) I do know quite a few homosexual/bisexual people, c) Frank takes the mikey out of just about everyone 🙂

By now I was on around my 5th Smirnoff Ice, but at 11pm when the DJ decided to make what was – in my opinion – his worst mistake of the night I wish I had something stronger. The DJ decided (for some strange reason) to play Lou Bega’s Mambo #5 AND Las Ketchup‘s “The Ketchup Song (Asereje) at the same time by constantly switching (not fading) between them! Aaargh!

11.20 was the turn of Don McLean‘s American Pie. Now most people would, nowadays, think of Madonna‘s rendition of the same song. But, no, I have to be different don’t I? I decide I like Weird Al Yankovic‘s version (The Saga Begins) which goes a little something like:

A long, long time ago
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the federation into
Maybe cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn’t thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That’s where we found this boy…
Oh my my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later – now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’ “Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”
“Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”
Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn’t even old enough to shave
And he can use the Force, they say
Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen
Though he’s just nine and she’s fourteen
Yah, he’s probably gonna marry her someday
Well, I knew he built C-3PO
And I’ve heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it’s true
So we made a wager or two
He was a prepubescent flyin’ ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy
We started singin’ …
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later – now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’ “Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”
“Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”
Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Oh, the Council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance to the Force?
They interview the kid
Oh, training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said “Now listen here”
“Just stick it in your pointy ear”
“I still will teach this boy”
He was singin’ …
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later – now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’ “Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”
“Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”
We caught a ride back to Naboo
‘Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would’ve liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn’t long at all before
Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day
And in the end some Gunguns died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin’
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he’s toast
Well, I’m still here and he’s a ghost
I guess I’ll train this boy
And I was singin’ …
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later – now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’ “Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”
“Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”
We were singin’ …
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later – now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’ “Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”

I finish my Smirnoff Ice, go for a wander, pop to the toilet, and as I’m just ordering my 7th Smirnoff Ice in 2 hours The Grease Megamix starts up and, again, I’m giggling along to one of Rather Good’s creations. This time it’s:

You are the one that I want,
You are the vol-au-vent,
Ooh-hoo-hoo honey,
The one that I want,
You are the vol-au-vent,
Ooh-hoo-hoo honey,
The one that I want,
You are the vol-au-vent,
Ooh-hoo-hoo honey,
The one I need,
Oh yes indeed

and that was followed up by “I Think We’re Alone Now” (by Tiffany, but originally by Tommy James and the Shondells) which has, again, been parodied by Weird Al, this time as “I Think I’m A Clone Now“:

Isn’t it strange
Feels like I’m lookin’ in the mirror
What would people say
If only they knew that I was
Part of some geneticist’s plan (plan-plan-plan)
Born to be a carbon copy man (man-man-man)
There in a petri dish late one night
They took a donor’s body cell and fertilized a human egg and so I say
I think I’m a clone now
There’s always two of me just a-hangin’ around
I think I’m a clone now
‘Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
Look at the way
We go out walking close together
I guess you could say
I’m really beside myself
I still remember how it began (gan-gan-gan)
They produced a carbon copy man (man-man-man)
Born in a science lab late one night
Without a mother or a father, just a test tube and a womb with a view
I think I’m a clone now (a clone now)
There’s always two of me just a-hangin’ around
I think I’m a clone now (a clone now)
‘Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
I think I’m a clone now (a clone now)
And I can stay at home while I’m out of town
I think I’m a clone now (a clone now)
‘Cause every pair of genes is a hand-me-down
Signing autographs for my fans
Come and meet the carbon copy man
Livin’ in stereo, it’s all right
Well I can be my own best friend and I can send myself for pizza so I say
I think I’m a clone now
Another one of me’s always hangin’ around
I think I’m a clone now
‘Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
I think I’m a clone now (a clone now)
I’ve been on Oprah Winfrey – I’m world renowned
I think I’m a clone now (a clone now)
And every pair of genes is a hand-me-down
I think I’m a clone now (a clone now)
That’s my genetic twin always hangin’ around
I think I’m a clone now (a clone now)
‘Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
I think I’m a clone now (a clone now)

At 11.45pm, I ordered my eighth and final drink (as I had then ran out of vouchers: saving £8 but spending £15.20!), but got disappointed at 11.50pm when the DJ played Village People‘s “YMCA” and the bar staff didn’t get on the bar and dance along to it. It used to be a sort-of tradition down at Zanzibar, but now.. I left at 12.10am (Sunday 1st December), popped into a local chip shop to grab a quarter-pounder with cheese and some chips (£3) and walked home. Well, I walked a quarter of the way stood waiting for a taxi for around 15 minutes, continued walking home, grabbed 2 pints of milk from an all-night garage and then got home around 1am.

After doing my original World AIDS day posting, checking some emails – I tried to get to sleep, but I seem to be (again) suffering from “the curse”. Nope, not “that curse, but rather insomnia. I finished reading This Other Eden (I had started it when I was in the bath before going out), re-updated the World AIDS Day entry, and then eventually managed to get to sleep around 6am. Not too bad a night, but I’ve had better.

Why, looking back on that night, do I get the feeling that more than 75% of all my “musical influences” are parodies or comedies? Is that a good or bad thing I wonder…