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Category: Net: Jokes

Funny things to do in a lift

Shamelessly stolen from @jelly_babies twitter feed:

  • Funny things to do in a lift: CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask “Got enough air in there?” #
  • Funny things to do in a lift: MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button. #
  • Funny things to do in a lift: WHEN there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn’t you #
  • Funny things to do in a lift: Drop a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: “That’s mine!” #

Personal: You know you are getting old…

  • When Policeman start looking younger
  • You don’t remember being absentminded.
  • You have more patience; but actually, it’s just that you don’t care any more.
  • Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  • Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • You begin every other sentence with, “Nowadays…”
  • A ‘late night’ now ends at 11 pm.
  • When the actor playing Doctor Who is younger than you


Joke: Computer Problem Report Form

Computer Problem Report Form

1. Describe your problem:

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:

4. Problem Severity:

A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:

A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Strange Smell__

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__

9. Have you made it worse? Yes__

10. Have you had “a friend” who “Knows all about computers” try to fix
it for you? Yes__ No__

11. Did they make it even worse? Yes__

12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

13. Are you sure you’ve read the manual? Maybe__ No__

14. Are you absolutely certain you’ve read the manual? No__

15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

16. If ‘Yes’ then explain why you can’t fix the problem yourself.

17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?

l8. If you answered ‘nothing’ then explain why you were logged in?

l9. Are you sure you aren’t imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What’s a VCR?__

21. Do you have a copy of ‘PCs for Dummies’? Yes__ No__

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__

23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work? Yes__ No__

24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__

25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__

26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet__

27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes__

Snippet: How To Tell if Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You

Let’s face it cat owners, we all know the little fur balls are plotting on taking over the world (I blame the Egyptians myself!). When they aren’t asking “I Can has Cheezburger?, they are working out how to get rid of us humans. Lucikly, there’s a list you can work down to try and work out if the cute little ball of fluff is trying to kill you. There’s even a quiz for you to check – odds are that your cat is trying to kill you.

Joke: 21 signs a geek girl likes you

Like Naughty Questions asked by teacher, the following post is also shamelessly stolen borrowed from Beautiful World:

21 Signs a geek girl likes you

  1. She tells you your hard drive is much bigger than her ex-boyfriend’s.
  2. She makes a point of telling you how the system upgrade you did for her totally revolutionized her life.
  3. She stops blogging in front of the TV and talks to you.
  4. She gets shivers up her spine when you raw-code her HTML.
  5. The first time you used the Command Prompt in front of her, she screamed in excitement.
  6. She invites you to “302 back to my place” after a night out.
  7. She doesn’t cook you dinner — she defrags your hard drive.
  8. She thinks you’re much cuter in person than in World of Warcraft.
  9. She devotes an entire blog entry to you.
  10. She invites you to a romantic night at her place that involves popcorn and Tron.
  11. She leaves you a love post – its written entirely in Visual Basic.
  12. She “casually” invites you to come with her to the next Linux Expo.
  13. She gives you her telephone number in binary.
  14. She gives you lots of link love.
  15. She regularly Diggs articles she thinks you’ll like.
  16. You’ve overheard her telling her friends you are “so 2.0.”
  17. She always tags you for memes.
  18. She puts memory cards in your stocking for Christmas.
  19. She always sides with you when someone brings up the “Mac vs. PC” debate.
  20. She likes your black jeans.
  21. She reminisces with you about those old-school Commodores you both had as kids.