Category: Net: Jokes

It seems that even Santa Claus is effected by downsizing if this email that I recently intercepted is anything to go by:

IMMEDIATE DOWNSIZING MEASURES EMPLOYED

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.

Streamlining is due to the North Pole’s loss of dominance of this season’s gift distribution business. Home shopping channels, the Internet, and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa’s market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.

Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Dr. Seuss (author of the “The Cat In The Hat” book) actually wrote an episode of Star Trek?

Well, now thanks to an unknown researcher, may I present “Dr.Seuss’s Star Trek” – complete with all the usual characters of Picard, Data, LaForge, Riker, Troi and Geordi….

As it’s now a little bit late for me to go out, I’ll just stay in and watch TV tonight. Drat. Oh well, at least it’ll save me from getting drunk (even though I have some Snowballs in the cupboard, 1/4 of a bottle of Absinthe and some Oyzo left). Talking of getting drunk (and what a roundabout way of getting to the subject) – I’ve recently been sent this “6 Hangover Levels” list which I found myself going “So true, check, been there” whilst reading – how about you?

1 Tankard Hangover ()
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you. You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka redbulls. However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara.

Quite a short entry for now as I’m absolutely worn-out (plus I’ve got several CDRs still to burn before bed). I’ll perhaps say why I’m worn out tomorrow, but for now I’ll just leave you with the Top 10 times when the F— word was used appropriately:

10. “Scattered F—-ing showers, my ass!”

– Noah, 4314 BC

9. “How the F— did you work that out?”

– Pythagoras, 126 BC

8. “You want WHAT on the F—ing ceiling?”

– Michelangelo, 1566

7. “Where did all those F—ing Indians come from?”

– Custer, 1877

6. “It does so F—ing look like her!”

– Picasso, 1926

5. “Where the F— are we?”

– Amelia Earhart, 1937

4. “Any F—ing idiot could understand that.”

– Einstein, 1938

3. “What the F— was that?”

– Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

2. “I need this parade like I need a F—ing hole in the head.”

– JFK, 1963

1. “Aw c’mon. Who the F— is going to find out?”

– Bill Clinton, 1997