Category: Net: Jokes

May I present the slightly Americanised “Twelve Politically Correct Days of Christmas” (if I can’t, bad luck – ’cause here it is anyway):

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wet-lands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
THREE de-constructionist poets
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and…
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

Merry Christmas Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Happy Holidays! (unless otherwise prohibited by law)*
* Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.

“Dear Dog,
I am sorry that you were sent to the pound for the broken lamp that you did not break, for the missing fish that you did not eat and for the wet carpet that you did not wet.

Things at the house are a lot calmer now and to show you that I have no hard feelings, I am sending you this picture so that you’ll always remember me.

Your Friend,
The Cat

(if you don’t get it, click on the picture and look carefully)

Yippee! I’ve just been sent a couple more Christmas jokes – “The 3 Stages of Man” and “Twas The Day After Christmas” (I also blogged about the Internet Night Before Christmas).

The 3 Stages of Man
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.

Here’s a little festive joke I’ve received:

Two little boys were staying with their grandparents. While kneeling to say their bedtime prayers the smallest boy began yelling his prayer at the top of his lungs:

“DEAR GOD, FOR CHRISTMAS I WOULD LIKE A PLAYSTATION, A MOTOR BIKE, SCOOTER, NEW VIDEO GAMES…”

His brother asked him, “Why are you yelling? God can hear you; He is not deaf.”

The younger brother replied, “I know God is not deaf, but grandma is…”

Cool, I’ve just received “T’was the Internet Night Before Christmas” (a parody of The Night Before Christmas which I blogged about back on the 28th of November) by email and have reproduced it here for your enjoyment:

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker’s a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it’s a Mac).