When I left my spammer friend Jerry yesterday, I was preparing for “my trip to New Zealand” but he’s still interested in having me assist him in claiming the money for my “relative” Albert Pilchard. Basically, this “instalment” (as it is beginning to seem a very poor soap opera) is just me sending off the “claim form” and us both trying to put pressure on each other to move things along a bit faster.
First of all, I decided to put a little pressure onto the “lawyer” to try and speed things up (I’m already getting a little bored with this!):
Subject: Did you get my message?
Jerry,Did you get my last message ok? It’s just that I do want to contact City Securities with my details as soon as possible and I just need you to answer the few questions I asked before I can send my details on and hopefully get hold of the money from Albert Pilchard’s will.
If you can answer me as soon as possible as I’m heading off the New Zealand in a little over 8 hours time and I would like to ideal send you a reply before I leave so that you’ve got time to answer whilst I’m high.
Rich Pilchard.
And, yes, that was meant to be a deliberate drug reference at the end (“whilst I’m high”). 🙂
I also sent off my claim form to “City Securities”:
Subject: APPLICATION OF CLAIM.
To: jerry.duruibe@email.ro
CC: citysecurities@financier.comTHE HEAD OF OPERATIONS
CITY SECURITIES LTD,
10 IDITA STREET,
APAPA- LAGOS.
EMAIL: citysecurities@financier.com
FAX: 234-1759-1303Dear Sir,
APPLICATION FOR CLAIM OF BOX NUMBER B-GA19391/97Based on the recent contact between us and Mr. JERRY DURUIBE ESQ of OLISA
AGBAKOBA and associates. Personal attorney to my late relative Mr. ALBERT DOTTO PILCHARD
formerly working with Shell Development Company in Nigeria. Who died with his
entire immediate family in 1998 in a car accident, we wish to claim the above-
mentioned box number he deposited with your Company. Deposit Certificate number
CSLVD/007342219 deposited on the 15th day of October 1997.To this regard, we request your detailed procedure for this claim. We shall
provide all necessary claims document and his vault keys. We shall also present
copies of his original WILL to further authenticate our claims.Your prompt response to this request would be most highly appreciated.
Thanks and anticipating your soonest response.
Best regards,
Rich Pilchard.
For The Pilchard Family.
1 Charles Street, Leicester, LE1 1GJ, UK
Tel: +1 661 4206 898
Fax: +1 661 4206 895
Remember that “1 Charles Street, Leicester” is, in fact, a police station and the telephone numbers both go to J2‘s fax/voicemail to email systems…
Whilst that message was on it’s way, Jerry sent a reply:
From : Jerry Duruibe
Subject : Brief Details,
Date : Sun, 17 Nov 2002 10:11:15 +0200
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Return-Path: jerry.duruibe@email.roDear Mr. Pilchard,
How are you today? I just received your mail due to the Internet connection in
my area went down, I am very sorry to keep you waiting.As regards your questions, I will give you all necessary details in breif. I
have scanned the WILL and other deposit documents and will send it as soon as
the Internet connection improves to send attached documents but if I am
permitted I can still fax them but due to the sensitive nature of this pursuit
I will prefer if you indicate so. Secondly, after presenting you to the
security company as a relative or next of kin to the deceased estate, I will
back it up as I will process an affidavit of claim of which will extensively
authenticate your right to claim the deposit (US$7.8 million) for on behalf of
the PILCHARD FAMILY. Lastly, Mr. ALBERT DOTO PILCHARD (not DOTTO) is the
deceased full name and I gave it to you to get you more informed about him. Do
you have any relation that bears such name. Even if we finally gets to the
family after resolving this issue we can still tell them all we have spent to
get the money out and request for full payment. If there are other things you
want to know please feel very free to let me know.Please I will be most obliged if you can forward the Application of Claim
immediately so that the security company will have it at the start of work
tomorrow. To be very truthfully, my fear is that they might not approve this
application as your name was not mentioned in the deceased WILL but I feel we
should try our best to see if we can achieve this. Nevertheless, send it first
and please confirm that you received this mail.You said you will be leaving to New Zealand, I hope you are on your way
already, I wish you the very best of your trip and a very successful business
deal. Call me if you can but still I will await the confirmation of the receipt
of this mail. My regards to your family.Thanks and anticipating your soonest response.
Regards,
Jerry Duruibe ESQ.
And, guess what, I was in a position to respond 🙂
To: jerry.duruibe@email.ro
Subject: Re: Brief Details,Dear Jerry,
Luckily I’ve been informed that my plane’s been delayed by 12 hours due to “mechanical failure”. If I had been told that after I had left from Bruntingthorpe Airstrip, then I might have been more annoyed.
Oh, Bruntingthorpe Airstrip in Leicester was decommissioned in 1962 and to my knowledge has never been used for commercial flights – especially to New Zealand….
It’ll be alright to fax me the documents to +1 661 4206 895 as that’s my personal fax box (all faxes sent to it are automatically electronically converted to secure email and sent to me).
To answer you question, yes I do believe I have (or had, as the case may be) a relative called Albert Pilchard. My late grandfather talked of having a brother who had a son called Albert (which, I presume, put the age about right) which he lost contact with several years ago when Albert went to work abroad. Unfortunately, with the passing away of my grandfather, I am unable to authenticate Albert’s middle name nor the country he went to.
Well, doesn’t that sound like I believe Jerry that he may have found a long lost relative? But, unfortunately, I’ve got no way of telling for sure have I? Well, I have – my last name isn’t Pilchard! 🙂
Many thanks for the information you provided, it helped reassure me that everything is as “above board” as I suppose we can hope: at least if the annoying authorities start investigating, at least we can show “due diligence” can’t we?
(Richy resists laughing at this point)
I’ve just sent off the application of claim form to City Securities (I copied you into the email) – let’s hope they accept it as I am quite eager to get this matter sorted. Do you think they may need anything to help “assist” the application along?
Yours,
Rich Pilchard.
I was hoping that at this point he would bring up the matter of his “fee” or similar, but as you’ll be able to see – he didn’t bite this time…
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From: Jerry Duruibe
Subject: Pls Confirm Safety
Date: Sun, 17 Nov 2002 18:14:43 +0200
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X-OriginalArrivalTime: 17 Nov 2002 16:13:21.0570 (UTC) FILETIME=[3FA0E020:01C28E54]Dear Mr Pilchard,
I have tried to call you but only got through to your answering machine, you
most be on your way to New Zealand now but I will try to call you again.Please do everythiong possible to send the application to the security company
today as I do not know the fate of the deposit this week, Like I told you they
indicated that they will commence confiscation process on the deposit of which
will totally jeopardize our efforts to retrieve the deposit from there.I will by tomorrow, send over the WILL and other documents in my custody but I
will wait for you to confirm the safety of these as you will not be available
to receive it. I want you to contact me as soon as possible. Thanks and my
regards to your family.I wish you the very best of your trip.
Regards,
Jerry Duruibe ESQ.
> Jerry,
>
> Did you get my last message ok? It’s just that I do want to contact City
….
and I’ll end “the day” by finally landing in NZ:
Subject: Re: Pls Confirm Safety
To: jerry.duruibe@email.roHi Jerry,
I haven’t long landed in Pudnuowg Nibru in New Zealand – why they have to use the native Maori name for the airport I don’t know!
Nope, it’s not actually a Maori name. Take the name of the airport, reverse it “Urbin gwoundup” and change the spacing and you get: “U R Bing Wound Up” (You are being wound up). 🙂
I’m quite jet-lagged so I’ll make this one brief and hopefully after my meeting later today, I’ll be able to respond to any reply from yourself.
I have replied to City Securities with my details, copying you into the mail, but I received the following message:
>>>>>>>>>>
This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification.THIS IS A WARNING MESSAGE ONLY.
YOU DO NOT NEED TO RESEND YOUR MESSAGE.
Delivery to the following recipients has been delayed.
jerry.duruibe@email.ro
Cadburys Airlines? Since when has a well known chocolate manufacturer been running airlines?
If you can fax the documents over as soon as possible they will be secure. They are received electronically and automatically encrypted into secure email that only I can open: one of the “good products” designed by one of LeicsConstab’s subsidiary companies.
Yours,
Rich Pilchard.Find out what happens in the next instalment 🙂