Ok, the “Books” category is lagging behind with the number of posts, so I’ll try and even it out by doing a review of one of the 3 paper backs I read yesterday – “Blott On The Landscape” by Tom Sharpe.
Sir Giles Lynchwood, MP, married Maud Handyman of Handyman Hall, Cleene Gorge, Worfordshire, for her money and property. But, due to a pre-martial agreement, the only way he can get some money for Handyman Hall is by arranging to have a new motorway (M101) put through Cleene Gorge and Handyman Hall subject to a compulsory purchase order. But Giles could not take into account the actions and problems caused by the numerical-obsessed Ministry Of Environment troubleshooter Dundridge or Lady Maud’s adoring gardener Blott…
Originally written in 1975 by Tom Sharpe (the author of Ancestral Vices, The Great Pursuit, Porterhouse Blue, Wilt and many other books) “Blott On The Landscape” was described by The Times newspaper as “Skulduggery at stately homes, dirty work at the planning enquiry, and the villains falling satisfactorily up to their ears in the minestrone… the heroine breakfasts on broken bottles, wears barbed wire next to the skin and stops at nothing to protect her ancestral seat from a motorway construction“.
The copy I have (1977 edition published by Pan Books Ltd) is 238 pages long (consisting of 28 chapters) and makes a good read from “the funniest new writer to have merged for years” (The Observer Newspaper). Although it doesn’t state exactly when the story line is set, you do get the feeling it is around the 1970’s time period – but even that doesn’t “age” the story of ancestral history and arrogance overthrowing corruption, blackmail and greed. The developing love story which runs through the book, whilst at first not predictable, does help to “round” the storyline off nicely at the end. A mixture of mainly comedy, horror, murder and a bit of romance and sexual relations – this makes for an enjoyable read for 18 year olds up-wards.
Storyline:
Sir Giles Lynchwood, Member of Parliament for South Worfordshire had married Maud Handyman (whom had been described as ‘Rodinesque’ and who Sir Giles would describe as “monumentally unattractive”) and had made his fortune by recognising potential advantage in unprepossessing proprieties.
However Maud was a Handyman and Handyman Hall (built in 1899 on the edge of Cleene Gorge, Worfordshire) had always been her family home – but Giles knew exactly how much it was worth. However, due to a pre-martial agreement: if he divorced her, he lost everything – likewise if she divorced him (as she doesn’t want to be left a childless widow and Sir Giles is less than willing to do “his duty” in that respect), she’ll lose the Hall: something she is not willing to let happen.
Giles hatches a cunning plan to have the new Mid-Wales motorway – the M101 – set so it runs straight through Cleene Gorge: forcing Handyman Hall to be subject to a compulsory purchase order, and hence, freeing up the money for him to move down to London and live with his mistress Mrs.Felicia Forthby (who is willing to satisfy his bondage fetish). However, due to Lady Maud’s interference at the biased enquiry and her “poisoning” of the head of the enquiry (Lord Leakham) forces the Ministry Of Environment to send a troubleshooter to Worfordshire to try and smooth the matter over. They decide that Dundrige – a man whose idea to utilise solid-state traffic lights in Clapham forced the suburb to be isolated from London for almost a week – can’t do much damage and he does have a flair for public relations (his schemes for one-way traffic in London sounded good, but were impossible to implement: unless, of course, you were willing to drive from Hyde Park Corner to Piccadilly via Tower Bridge and Fleet Street).
Dundridge soon meets up with Sir Giles’ “cohort” Bob Hoskins (who just happens to be the Planning Officer in charge of the motorway) and realises that the only other route is via Ottertown: which would lengthen the motorway, cost more and cause a load of brand new council houses to be demolished. Dundridge’s plan for a tunnel underneath the Cleene Forest is quickly run down by Sir Giles and Hoskins.
In the meantime, Lady Maud is making precautions to try and prevent her ancestral home from being demolished and Blott, her gardener (an abandoned Jewish looking baby in war-torn Germany who ended up a Prisoner of War at Handyman Hall after his Italian co-pilots crash landed) is continually eavesdropping on Sir Giles’ telephone conversations and slowly falling in love with Lady Maud. However, he doesn’t find out about Sir Giles arranging with “Sally Boles” to place Dundridge in a position where he can be blackmailed…
Sir Giles suddenly realises that if the motorway is routed through Cleene Gorge, Lady Maud may get a bit suspicious why he, as the local Member of Parliament, didn’t do much to stop it. However, the MP for Ottertown – Francis Puckerington MP – is in ill health and it’s a marginal seat… The Prime Minister overrules Dundrige and forces the motorway through Cleene Gorge.
Lady Maud has to stop this and loyal Blott makes plans to serve behind the bar at the “Royal George” pub and serve the 20% proof “Very Special” brew from the Handyman Brewery to all the motorway construction crew – with disastrous consequences. Disastrous, that is, to Mr.Bullet-Finch of Finch Grove (a neighbour of Lady Maud’s and also a member of her “Save The Gorge” campaign) and most of the High Street. Meanwhile, Lady Maud’s plan to open a wildlife park within the grounds of Handyman Hall (complete with Giraffes, Lions and Rhinoceroses) helps scupper the plans of Sir Giles to burn down Handyman Hall.
Blott’s plan to seal himself into his home (the “archway” leading to the Hall) and the resulting publicity helps the future of the Gorge: and, of course, there’s that new vacancy at the Hall and Parliament to deal with. Dundridge on the other hand, has plenty of time to work out his “Dundridge Digit” library filing system…
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