Joke: Realistic New Years Resolutions

Keep breaking your New Years resolutions? Well, why don’t you make resolutions that you can keep and accomplish? Here’s a few to start you off:

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising, it’s a waste of time: you are going to die at somepoint anyway, so why not enjoy yourself?
3. Read less. It makes you think.
4. Watch more TV – haven’t you missed some good stuff on the goggle-box recently?
5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. (Procrastinate means delay or postpone things I think – but I’ll check that next week)
6. Not date any of the Baywatch/James Bond cast.
7. Spend more time at work, surfing with the big internet connection.
8. Take a holiday to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine (it’s in Minnesota by the way).
9. Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
10. Stop making packed-lunches at home to eat at work – you should eat out more.
11. Not have eight children at once.
12. Get in a whole NEW rut!
13. Start being superstitious.
14. Personal goal: bring back disco.
15. Don’t dance with Kylie Minogue, Britney Spears, Jennifer Lopez and Shakira at the same time
16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.
17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.