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Joke: Realistic New Years Resolutions

[New Years]Keep breaking your New Years resolutions? Well, why don’t you make resolutions that you can keep and accomplish? Here’s a few to start you off:

  1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
  2. Stop exercising, it’s a waste of time: you are going to die at somepoint anyway, so why not enjoy yourself?
  3. Read less. It makes you think.
  4. Watch more TV – haven’t you missed some good stuff on the goggle-box recently?
  5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. (Procrastinate means delay or postpone things I think – but I’ll check that next week)
  6. Not date any of the Baywatch/James Bond cast.
  7. Spend more time at work, surfing with the big internet connection.
  8. Take a holiday to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine (it’s in Minnesota by the way).
  9. Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
  10. Stop making packed-lunches at home to eat at work – you should eat out more.
  11. Not have eight children at once.
  12. Get in a whole NEW rut!
  13. Start being superstitious.
  14. Personal goal: bring back disco.
  15. Don’t dance with Kylie Minogue, Britney Spears, Jennifer Lopez and Shakira at the same time
  16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.
  17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

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