Joke: The Wisdom Of Homer Simpson

Some words of wisdom from Springfield’s finest:

• “Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.”
• “Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”
• “Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding, “you’re making a scene.”
• “Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaselling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.”
• “If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
• “Don’t let Krusty’s death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night.”
• “Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.”
• “Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.”
• “I want to share something with you — the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, “Cover for me.” Number two, “Oh, good idea, boss.” Number three, “It was like that when I got here.”