Joke: When I get old and losing my hair…

Have you ever noticed that when you’re of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Your shopping bags are heavier…

And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was astonished to discover how long my street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they’re red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn’t even recognise me!

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection …Well, REALLY NOW ……… even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You’re risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilised these days. Why else would they suddenly start labelling a size 36″ or 38″ waist pair of trousers as 44″ or 46″? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist? And why the instance on making clothes a lot longer then they used to be?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually “believe” the number I see on that display? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they’re fooling?

I’d like to call up someone in authority to report what’s going on – but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they’ve printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here – and, not only that, but they’ve made all telephones to use those fiddly little buttons instead of the good old reliable rotary dials.

All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon “everyone” will have to suffer these awful indignities.