Joke: Things my boss didn’t say to me

Here’s a list of things that, fortunately, my new boss didn’t say to me on my first day of work:

• “That is the person you’ll be replacing. He doesn’t know that we’re going to fire him yet, so please don’t say anything. We need him to train you.”
• “… And this is the beer fridge.”
• “How quickly can you load a handgun?”
• “Didn’t we hire the hot chick in the skin tight red dress?”
• “We don’t provide web browsers on the PCs in this company because people might use them.” (I’m working in very web-orientated environment)
• “Welcome to Microsoft. You know the company name was inspired by a remark made by Mrs.Melinda Gates on their honeymoon!”
• “Wonder what you would look like in a white sundress?” (I’m male by the way 🙂 )
• (to another employee) “This is the best we could find in 48 hours!”
• “Hey, if you see the new guy, tell him I’m not here. Make up something about a family emergency or some junk. My tee-off time’s in ten minutes…”
• “Did you get those projections done that I asked for on Friday?”
• “Around here, we put the FUN in dysFUNctual”
• “If you bring a weapon to work, keep it hidden.”
• “Since you’re male, I can’t ask you to walk with me to the ladies, so I guess I’ll have to discuss your duties here.”
• “Hello … Had any sex lately?”
• “Despite what others may say, that’s not a blood stain.”
• “Do not leave dead bodies in the tea room – the smell is most off putting.”