Funny: Funny Linux Commands


Shamelessly stolen from Frank Mash (or, as UK news organisations will probably argue, “this orphaned content found was at …”):

% cat “food in cans”
cat: can’t open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% “How would you rate Quayle’s incompetence?
Unmatched “.

% Unmatched “.
Unmatched “.

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go?^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many (‘s.

% make love
Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink matter
matter: cannot create

$ ddate
Today is Prickle-Prickle, the 69th day of Chaos in the YOLD 3176

and of course:

unzip ; strip ; touch ; grep ; finger ; mount ; fsck ; more ; yes ; umount ; sleep

Some of these work, some of these don’t – it all depends on your OS version. ddate does work on Centos.

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2 responses to “Funny: Funny Linux Commands”

  1. Oh man! these are hilarious man!
    you should be a comedian!

    (seriously, think about it)

    • Well, I didn’t write those jokes and I’m not much of a performer – so a career as a comedian won’t be for me…

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