Category: Net: Weird

Yep, there’s a continuation from yesterday’s Male Genitalia post. It’s just that Neil‘s comment reminded me of a few songs I had heard concerning it, so may I present:

The Penis Song – by Monty Python
A nice little ditty – imagine Noel Coward performing it whilst playing a piano.

and

Pet Names For Genitalia – by Tom Green.
This song is often thought to be by one of my favourite artists: Weird Al Yankovic, but it’s not from him! Yes – that’s how I came across the song: I got sent it and was told it was by Al…

Unfortunately, despite listening to quite a bit of Jasper Carrott and searching the net, I’ve found no reference (well, apart from someone remarking to someone else “Did you see Jasper Carrott last night then?”) to the Jasper Carrott recital that Neil mentioned. If anyone can give me a clue (say, for example, a line of lyrics or something) then I can see what I can do.

Women – don’t worry about “missing out” with all the mention of penises – your time will cum. (And there ends today’s course in double innuendos).

You all know to shut down your computer properly at night/when you finish don’t you? Well – did you remember to shut down the Internet correctly when you had finished using it?

No? Well, next time – remember to take your Javascript enabled web browser over to Turn Off The Internet and safely shutdown the Internet when you’ve finished with it.

Before you do that, remember that Windows allows you to use Alt+F4 to close the current window…

(I actually have fond memories of a big red button – some ODP editors will probably remember a big April Fools joke that was played on us in 2001. I think we all learnt that when a sign says “Do NOT [Push] the Big Red Button!”, it’s advisable to NOT push it: no matter how much you are tempted. Following instructions is a good idea sometimes 🙂 )

Yuck! Further to previous thoughts, I’ve decided to create a ‘Net: Weird’ category – mainly because this strange item falls into no other category…

The Peter Petrie Egg Separator helps you separate the contents of an egg: just crack an egg into the top of it and you can pour out the albumen (white) of the egg – keeping the high-cholesterol yolk trapped inside. Ideal for omelettes, cakes or other recipes.

All well and good – except look at the design of it! It’s a hand-crafted ceramic head with a huge nose and the albumen drips through the nostrils. Just like vomit does when you are trying to keep your mouth shut – can you think of anything else more likely to put you off your food? Yuck and yuck again!

I swear I’ll have to make a “Net: Just plain weird” category at this rate!

Please please don’t tell me that these people are serious about selling animal shaped dildos. And, no, I’m not talking about dildos that are actually shaped like an animal – but one’s that are shaped like animal’s..erm..erm..genitalia. Yep – that’s the word I was looking for! And they’ve been designed for “usage”… They’ve even got a dog knot one and a kangaroo one (at least the shape explains why Kangaroo’s keep on hoping). Thank goodness they don’t have a blue whale one (10ft long and 1ft in diameter!).

Uck! My father’s mentioned he would like a George Foreman Baby George Lean Mean Roasting Machine (why can’t they just say ‘Grill?’) for Christmas. Uck! Yes, I know babies are the “other other white meat” (quote from ‘Fat Bastard’ in Austin Powers 2), but the fact that somebody actually sells grills to cook babies – uck and double uck!

Everyone knows babies should be boiled…. 🙂