From Maarten Lippmann:
We’ll begin with box, and the plural is boxes.
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese.
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice,
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
When couldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,
But the plural of vow is vows, not vine.
And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,
But I give a boot – would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
If the singular is this and plural is these,
Why shouldn’t the plural of kiss be nicknamed kese?
Then one may be that, and three may be those,
Yet the plural of hat would never be hose.
We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim!
So our English, I think you will all agree,
Is the trickiest language you ever did see. I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you
On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead; it’s said like bed, not bead;
For goodness sake, don’t call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat,
(they rhyme with suite and straight and debt).
A moth is not a moth in mother.
Nor both in bother, broth in brother.
And here is not a match for there.
And dear and fear for bear and pear.
And then there’s dose and rose and lose –
Just look them up — and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.
And do and go, then thwart and cart.
Come, come, I’ve hardly made a start.
A dreadful language? Why, man alive,
I’d learned to talk it when I was five.
And yet to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn’t learned it at fifty-five!
News: Well Done Assistant Commissioner Bob Quick
If you’ve been even slightly following the news, you might have read that “Britain’s most senior counter-terrorism officer Assistant Commissioner Bob Quick” made a security blunder on Wednesday the 8th of April by accidentally exposing a “Secret” document to Downing Street photographers (technically a breach of the Official Secrets Act).
However, he has done the honourable thing and actually resigned over the issue stating “I have today offered my resignation in the knowledge that my action could have compromised a major counter-terrorism operation.”. It just makes such a refreshing change for somebody quite high up in the country to take responsibility for their actions: now I just wonder if the G20 officer who hit a bystander with his baton and pushed him to the floor or Jacqui two homes/husband pay-per-movie expenses Smith will resign over costing people their lives and the tax payer over £116,000 for secondary houses [including £568.95 for TWO washing machines and £500 on a shower mixer!].