Archive for July, 2007

Techy Fun: Take a hint, it ain’t us!

July 31st, 2007

As I’m in the process of slowing shutting down other sites I’ve worked on (due to time constraints), I’m reposting them here. Here’s an article from “Behind The Frontline” which was going to be a cross between I Work With Fools, Worse Than Failure and Dilbert.

Categories: Gee, I Wonder why? and Just Plain Dumb. Author: Web Site Submission

Today we had a customer contacting us regarding a payment he had made. Unfortently, the payment wasn’t to us, but we managed to work out which company it was from and told him (together with their contact details).

He queried the payment again.

We stated, again, it wasn’t to us and who to contact.

He queried the payment again saying he did buy it from us.

We again told him it wasn’t from us and pointed out that we didn’t even sell that service. We also, again, pointed out who to contact (it was on his receipt).

Guess what? Yep, he queried it with us a forth time.

We just repeated the previous step.

Finally he acknowledged “Oh, I think I may have the wrong company – I think I brought it off another company”. Gee, I wonder what gave him that idea? I’m sure it wasn’t the fact that we told him 4 times!

Personal: Well, what’s been happening?

July 29th, 2007

I’ve been quite busy of late doing the following things:

  • Trying to care for my poorly other half
  • Finding a new job (as the one working for a local web based collaboration software company didn’t quite work out as expected: it was more systems administration then development work)
  • Buying my first car – a 2000 Fiat Punto mk2 1.2l Petrol car. Did you know that the Punto’s look was designed by Giorgetto Giugiaro who also designed the Daewoo Matiz (another car I was considering) and more importantly a car designed for people my height (6ft 2) – the famous De Lorean DMC 12 which may be going back into production. I’d like to buy one (if I had the cash), but I’ll have to learn about the little Punto first
  • I’m also trying to kick start my small business a bit – I’ve got a new website sortof up and running (it’s just finding the time to finish it) and it’s already had 3 orders with absolutely 0 promotion/marketing of it!

And that was the news in Richy World!

Techy Fun: Premium Rate Phone Support

July 26th, 2007

As I’m in the process of slowing shutting down other sites I’ve worked on (due to time constraints), I’m reposting them here. Here’s an article from “Behind The Frontline” which was going to be a cross between I Work With Fools, Worse Than Failure and Dilbert.

Categories: Just Plain Dumb and Timewasters. Author: Dohpaz

*Ring Ring*
Me: “Hello technical support. Calls are charged at premium rate of £1 per minute. How can I help?”
Peon: “Oh, hello. Is that technical support?”
Me: “Yes, this is technical support and calls are charged at £1 per minute. How can I help?”
Peon: “£1 per minute eh? I bet that gets you a bit of money doesn’t it? In that case I better be quick shouldn’t I?”
Me: “Yes, how can I help?”
Peon: “I’ve lost my password”
Me: “Ok, can I take your website address please?”
Peon: “Oh, ok, let me just find that…. Ah, there it is, it’s xxxx”
Me: “Ok, just a couple of secret questions. Can I just ask your mothers maiden name and the first line of your address?”
Peon: “YYY and 123 StreetName”
Me: “Ok, your new password is yyyyy”
Peon: “Thank you. Let me just try it now to make sure it works. Let me just connect to the internet”
Me: “Ok, but just to remind you, calls are charged at £1 per minute”
Peon: “Thank you – I shouldn’t be too long…… … … I’ve got the login box – what do I put in the username box?”
Me: “Your username”
Peon: “That’s zzzz isn’t it”
Me: “That’s right”
(noises of very slow typing)
Peon: “And in the password box?”
Me: “The password I just gave you”
Peon: “That’s yyyyy isn’t it?”
Me: “Yes”
(noises of very slow typing)
Peon: “Oh yes, that’s got me in. Thank you!”
(click as phone hangs up).

So a call lasting over 5 five minute at £1 per minute where most of it consisted of him “moaning” about the cost of the call and then actually typing in the information I gave him. If he had been prepared, the call would have lasted less than a minute and saved him quite a bit of money…

Techy Fun: The customer who couldn’t tell the time

July 25th, 2007

As I’m in the process of slowing shutting down other sites I’ve worked on (due to time constraints), I’m reposting them here. Here’s an article from “Behind The Frontline” which was going to be a cross between I Work With Fools, Worse Than Failure and Dilbert.

Categories: I Wish I Had Said and Just Plain Dumb. Author: Frank.

We offer a service which is provided to the customer within 72 hours of ordering (and this is stated on our order system), so it just really got me annoyed today (1st of January – a day when most businesses are closed) when we had somebody call us asking for their money back as we hadn’t provided the service within 72 hours. They said “I’ve waited over 72 hours and still haven’t got X – I want my money back”.

I pulled up their records and noted the order time and date – 31st of December at 7.30pm. It was now 1st of January at 1pm. I pointed out that 72 hours is three days and they ordered at 7.30pm the day before – so it wasn’t even *24* hours. The line went a bit quiet when I explained this simple fact to them. “So should I wait a bit longer then?”. “Yes sir, just wait another couple of days” was the answer I gave, “Gee, I dunno, it depends if 72 hours has passed in the time I explained this to you you f-ckwit” was the answer I wanted to give..

Techy Fun: Why won’t the door work?

July 24th, 2007

As I’m in the process of slowing shutting down other sites I’ve worked on (due to time constraints), I’m reposting them here. Here’s an article from “Behind The Frontline” which was going to be a cross between I Work With Fools, Worse Than Failure and Dilbert.

Category: Just Plain Dumb. Author: Dohpaz

Imagine the situation. You have just come in to a supermarket through the entrance and then realised that you don’t actually need anything. So you turn round and start to head out the Entrance – ignoring the “No entry/exit” signs. Suddenly a barrier closes in front of you and a recorded message says “Sorry, exit is not possible through this door. Please leave by the exit”.

Do you:
A) Leave by the exit
B) Try again.

Since A is the sensible option, we’ll ignore it and try B.

The barrier (which has no entry signs clearly labelled on it) closes again and the recorded message again says “Sorry, exit is not possible through this door. Please leave by the exit”.

Do you:
A) Leave by the exit
B) Try again.

Well, perhaps third time lucky. Let’s try again.

The barrier closes again and the recorded message again says “Sorry, exit is not possible through this door. Please leave by the exit”.

Do you:
A) Leave by the exit
B) Try something else

Let’s try something else. Let’s shout over to the cashiers (all who have at least 3 people waiting to be served) and ask “Why doesn’t this door work?” in a very loud voice.

The cashier replies “Sorry, you can’t exit through that door. Please leave by the exit”.

You leave via the exit.

gamy-dance
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