Category: Life: Work and Techy

As I’m in the process of slowing shutting down other sites I’ve worked on (due to time constraints), I’m reposting them here. Here’s an article from “Behind The Frontline” which was going to be a cross between I Work With Fools, Worse Than Failure and Dilbert.

Categories: Just Plain Dumb and Timewasters. Author: Dohpaz

*Ring Ring*
Me: “Hello technical support. Calls are charged at premium rate of £1 per minute. How can I help?”
Peon: “Oh, hello. Is that technical support?”
Me: “Yes, this is technical support and calls are charged at £1 per minute. How can I help?”
Peon: “£1 per minute eh? I bet that gets you a bit of money doesn’t it? In that case I better be quick shouldn’t I?”
Me: “Yes, how can I help?”
Peon: “I’ve lost my password”
Me: “Ok, can I take your website address please?”
Peon: “Oh, ok, let me just find that…. Ah, there it is, it’s xxxx”
Me: “Ok, just a couple of secret questions. Can I just ask your mothers maiden name and the first line of your address?”
Peon: “YYY and 123 StreetName”
Me: “Ok, your new password is yyyyy”
Peon: “Thank you. Let me just try it now to make sure it works. Let me just connect to the internet”
Me: “Ok, but just to remind you, calls are charged at £1 per minute”
Peon: “Thank you – I shouldn’t be too long…… … … I’ve got the login box – what do I put in the username box?”
Me: “Your username”
Peon: “That’s zzzz isn’t it”
Me: “That’s right”
(noises of very slow typing)
Peon: “And in the password box?”
Me: “The password I just gave you”
Peon: “That’s yyyyy isn’t it?”
Me: “Yes”
(noises of very slow typing)
Peon: “Oh yes, that’s got me in. Thank you!”
(click as phone hangs up).

So a call lasting over 5 five minute at £1 per minute where most of it consisted of him “moaning” about the cost of the call and then actually typing in the information I gave him. If he had been prepared, the call would have lasted less than a minute and saved him quite a bit of money…

As I’m in the process of slowing shutting down other sites I’ve worked on (due to time constraints), I’m reposting them here. Here’s an article from “Behind The Frontline” which was going to be a cross between I Work With Fools, Worse Than Failure and Dilbert.

Categories: I Wish I Had Said and Just Plain Dumb. Author: Frank.

We offer a service which is provided to the customer within 72 hours of ordering (and this is stated on our order system), so it just really got me annoyed today (1st of January – a day when most businesses are closed) when we had somebody call us asking for their money back as we hadn’t provided the service within 72 hours. They said “I’ve waited over 72 hours and still haven’t got X – I want my money back”.

I pulled up their records and noted the order time and date – 31st of December at 7.30pm. It was now 1st of January at 1pm. I pointed out that 72 hours is three days and they ordered at 7.30pm the day before – so it wasn’t even *24* hours. The line went a bit quiet when I explained this simple fact to them. “So should I wait a bit longer then?”. “Yes sir, just wait another couple of days” was the answer I gave, “Gee, I dunno, it depends if 72 hours has passed in the time I explained this to you you f-ckwit” was the answer I wanted to give..

As I’m in the process of slowing shutting down other sites I’ve worked on (due to time constraints), I’m reposting them here. Here’s an article from “Behind The Frontline” which was going to be a cross between I Work With Fools, Worse Than Failure and Dilbert.

Category: Just Plain Dumb. Author: Dohpaz

Imagine the situation. You have just come in to a supermarket through the entrance and then realised that you don’t actually need anything. So you turn round and start to head out the Entrance – ignoring the “No entry/exit” signs. Suddenly a barrier closes in front of you and a recorded message says “Sorry, exit is not possible through this door. Please leave by the exit”.

Do you:
A) Leave by the exit
B) Try again.

Since A is the sensible option, we’ll ignore it and try B.

The barrier (which has no entry signs clearly labelled on it) closes again and the recorded message again says “Sorry, exit is not possible through this door. Please leave by the exit”.

Do you:
A) Leave by the exit
B) Try again.

Well, perhaps third time lucky. Let’s try again.

The barrier closes again and the recorded message again says “Sorry, exit is not possible through this door. Please leave by the exit”.

Do you:
A) Leave by the exit
B) Try something else

Let’s try something else. Let’s shout over to the cashiers (all who have at least 3 people waiting to be served) and ask “Why doesn’t this door work?” in a very loud voice.

The cashier replies “Sorry, you can’t exit through that door. Please leave by the exit”.

You leave via the exit.

As I’m in the process of slowing shutting down other sites I’ve worked on (due to time constraints), I’m reposting them here. Here’s an article from “Behind The Frontline” which was going to be a cross between I Work With Fools, Worse Than Failure and Dilbert.

Categories: I Wish I Had Said and Just Plain Dumb. Author: Dohpaz.

*Ring Ring*

Me:”Hello, tech support”
Peon:”Hi – I can’t log into the system” (that’s helpful!)
Me:”Did you receive your username and password”
Peon:”Yes. It’s xxxx and yyyyy”
Me:”Good. What seems to be the problem?”
Peon:”I don”t know what to put in the boxes” (a bit more description would have been nice, but let’s see where this is going..)
Me:”What does it say next to the boxes?”
Peon:”One says username and the other says password”
Me:”Ok, in the box next to username, put your username which is xxxx as in the email”
Peon:”Yes..” (and, at this point, I am hearing the penny slowly drop)
Me:”And in the box next to password, put your password which is yyyy as in the email”
Peon:”Thanks *giggles* I bit you think I”m a right idiot don’t you?”
Me:”Not at all sir” (I actually think your a whole idiot and not just the right side of one!).

As I’m in the process of slowing shutting down other sites I’ve worked on (due to time constraints), I’m reposting them here. Here’s an article from “Behind The Frontline” which was going to be a cross between I Work With Fools, Worse Than Failure and Dilbert.

Category: Just plain dumb. Author: Web Site Submission

Sometimes I feel like we need to teach our customers how to use their eyes! The conversation with the customer went something like this:

Me: Are you logged in:
Him: Yes
Me: Ok, what do you see.
Him: I just see your logo
Me: Ok, do you see anything else?
Him: No
Me: Nothing at all?
Him: Well, I see some words and pictures
Me: Ok, can you see the labelled picture “Mail”
Him: No, but I can see “Upload”
Me: Ok, that’s good. Look to the right of the “Upload” picture – what do you see?
Him: A picture labelled “Databases”
Me: You’ve gone too far – have a look between Upload and Databases. Can you see “Mail”
Him: No, but I do see “System status” (which is the icon below Mail)
Me: No, have a look above “System status”
Him: I see my email address
Me: Ok, look ABOVE System Status, but BELOW your email address – what do you see.
Him: Just Upload again.
Me: Ok, just read me the icons from left to right starting with Upload
Him: Upload, Mail, Data…
Me: What was the second one?
Him: Mail
Me: That’s the one you are after!
Him: Thank you so much! I couldn’t see it there!

How did he continually miss it???